8/5/08

Possessives and Attributives


Last Friday, Tom Ziller of Sactown Royalty, AOL FanHouse, The Sporting Blog, Ballhype, Hot or Not, WebMD, The Hawk and Tom Morning Show on B93.7 (All the Hits!), and Google.com asked us for our informed thoughts on the necessity of the apostrophe in the name of newest King Donte' Greene. Unsurprisingly, our comments were entirely unusable. We have reproduced them here to show you why.

Tom asked...
Shoals said one of you advanced thinkers had previously lobbied for the continued survival of Donte' Greene's apostrophe. Will either of you admit to the cause? I'm annotating Donte''s name on StR and a paragraph on the import of the apostrophe would be absolutely awesome.

Carter retorted...
Your use of "Donte''s" just made my day. Any world where that's proper punctuation is a world I want to live in. Initially I had slight pangs that I was being guilty of all sorts of, "oh those funny black people and their silly names," (speaking of which, how unintentionally tremendous was that ballhype post a while back), but really I'm just a fan of ridiculously unnecessary punctuation in any context, regardless of racial overtones. So ya, viva the apostrophe. Espn and everyone else needs to get their shit together.


Ty quipped...
If he names his son Donte' Jr, does the family contain two Donte's? This could result in some kind of Abbott and Costello routine that goes a little like this:
Douby: Who's there?
Hawes: The Donte's.
Douby: The Donte's what?
Hawes: The Donte's are there.

It will be the most popular scene in Douby and Hawes Meet Frankenstein.

Carter proffered...
That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard. You can't hear apostrophes.

Ty retaliated...
The conversation takes place by telegram. It's a period piece.


Carter riposted...
Oh ok. That's ok then.

While I'm not sure how an apostrophe can change the pronunciation of a name if it comes after the word, I'm so happy this mission has been left in your [Tom's] capable hands. I don't even know what blog is out there for the Rockets, but I'm sure whoever they are they would have dropped the ball. [Note: Plissken loves The Dream Shake!]

Ty rejoined...
I still think "Dontae' Jones" is better, but someday a parent will use the æ grapheme and sire someone who'll swallow planets whole.

Also, the summer I worked full-time in the Stanford basketball office my friend and made a list of all potential recruits with apostrophes (and we actually got one that year -- Da'Veed Dildy!). I still think "P'Allen" is the greatest name in history.

Tom interrupted the echo chamber...
P'Allen made me spit tea.

I wish someone would write on uncensored version of that chapter on names from Freakonomics.


Ty ignorantly questioned...
What is the Freakonomics chapter about?

Tom enlightened...
How funny names end up attached to kids who don't start off in the best financial/neighborhood situations.

Ty clutched his grad school diploma...
Do they attribute any cause to it?

Carter mixed up three stories...
Wasn't there evidence of external discrimation [sic] based on the fact that names were funny and therefore more likely to be black? Or am I thinking of a separate craigslist experiment that someone did in the same class as the guy who did the point-shaving paper?

Tom actually answered the question...
There was that evidence, but if I remember right (and I'm not sure I do -- that was ages ago) it was small in impact compared to the fact kids with the names tended to be born into dire straits.


I don't remember what they attribute as a cause for the funny naming conventions. I think illiteracy in some cases, and in others that the names aren't funny, and have some (possibly tenuous) connection to African dialects or whatnot.

Wait, how did this thread get so serious? I apologize, sincerely.

Ty failed to see the distinction...
I took Douby and Hawes incredibly seriously.

Carter made things uncomfortable...
Douby Hawes would be a good name. Up there with Sabian Roman. Consider it for a little ziller: Douby Hawes Ziller.

6/20/08

Plissken al Zumbador

Yes, we haven't really tended this garden much lately. But that really doesn't matter, because we have the greatest thing in the history of the site to share with you. Someone by the name of "marcosfs," aka the greatest-ever member of YouTube, has posted the video that gave this blog its name. And it's in Spanish.



We watched the movie tonight for the first time since christening this blog, and it is clear that we chose well.

Oh, and now that our teams are out of the race, maybe we'll restart this thing again and become the first-ever NBA blog dedicated solely to the offseason.

3/20/08

Your Name Is Limitless: Final Four

Our friend Mike doesn't watch any sort of basketball, but he loves to use stupid systems to pick his NCAA bracket every season. This year, he went with a team's best names. This is simply too good not to post. In the first round, a team's entire roster will be considered. Beyond that, only a team's superstar name (not the same as the name of the team's superstar) will be considered. His analysis follows. (Also, apologies on formatting -- I will try to fix it later.)


Final Four

Final Four:

American: Garrison Carr

USC: Ovinton J’Anthony Mayo

Memphis: Chance McGrady

Xavier: Charles Bronson

Finals:

USC: Ovinton J’Anthony Mayo

Xavier: Charles Bronson

Sometimes, even Bronson’s gotta lose

Your Name Is Limitless: West

Our friend Mike doesn't watch any sort of basketball, but he loves to use stupid systems to pick his NCAA bracket every season. This year, he went with a team's best names. This is simply too good not to post. In the first round, a team's entire roster will be considered. Beyond that, only a team's superstar name (not the same as the name of the team's superstar) will be considered. His analysis follows. (Also, apologies on formatting -- I will try to fix it later.)


West

1st Round:

UCLA: Chace Stanback, Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, Darren Collison

Miss Valley St: Stanford Speech

Chase Stanback wins, as we’re sure it’s a proper name.

BYU: Lamont Morgan Jr., Nick Martineau, Jimmer Fredette

Texas A&M: Andrew Darko, Beau Muhlbach

Drake: Leonard Houston, Kit Avery, Klayton Korver, Tyson Dirks

West Kentucky: Tyrone Brazelton, Desire Gabou, A.J. Slaughter,

A.J. Slaughter.

Connecticut: Jerome Dyson, Donnell Beverly, A.J. Price

San Diego: Trumaine Johnson, Clinton Houston

Purdue: Chad Sutor, Garrett Mocas, Chris Kramer, Tarrance Crump, Keaton Grant

Baylor: Mamadou Diene, LaceDarius Dunn, Tweety Carter

Xavier: Charles Bronson, Adrion Graves, Dante Jackson

Georgia: Troy Brewer, Terrance Woodbury

This was over once I saw Charles Bronson.

West Virginia: Da'Sean Butler, Cam Thoroughman, Cameron Payne, Wellington Smith, Ted Talkington

Arizona: Chase Budinger, Zane Johnson, Jerryd Bayless,

Duke: Lance Thomas, Nolan Smith, Martynas Pocius

Belmont: Shane Dansby, Keaton Belcher,

2nd Round:

UCLA: Chace Stanback

Texas A&M: Beau Muhlbach

W. Kentucky: A.J. Slaughter

San Diego: Clinton Houston

Purdue: Keaton Grant

Xavier: Charles Bronson

West Virginia: Cam Thoroughman / Wellington Smith

Belmont: Shane Dansby

Sweet 16:

UCLA: Chace Stanback

W. Kentucky: A.J. Slaughter

Tough call here.

Xavier: Charles Bronson

West Virginia: Cam Thoroughman / Wellington Smith

Elite 8:

UCLA: Chace Stanback

Xavier: Charles Bronson

Your Name Is Limitless: South

Our friend Mike doesn't watch any sort of basketball, but he loves to use stupid systems to pick his NCAA bracket every season. This year, he went with a team's best names. This is simply too good not to post. In the first round, a team's entire roster will be considered. Beyond that, only a team's superstar name (not the same as the name of the team's superstar) will be considered. His analysis follows. (Also, apologies on formatting -- I will try to fix it later.)

South

1st Round:

Memphis: Chance McGrady, Doneal Mack

Texas Arlington: Dwight Gentry II, Jermaine Griffin, Cardell Hunter, Marquez Haynes, Rog'er Guignard

While Texas has a lot going for it (huge points for the unnecessary and most likely ungrammatical apostrophe in Mr. Guignard’s name), I have to give it to Memphis for Chance McGrady.

Mississippi State: Riley Benock, Kodi Augustus

Oregon: Bryce Taylor, Churchill Odia, LeKendric Longmire

Michigan State: Marquise Gray, Durrell Summers

Temple: Dionte Christmas

Christmas as a last name beats what probably should be a title , both of which would get blown out of the water by Christmas as a first name

Pittsburgh: Keith Benjamin, Cassin Diggs

Oral Roberts: Adam Liberty

Two first names always make for a strong name. Also, after much deliberation, it was decided that the quality of the school’s name should not affect this bracket

Marquette: Dominic James, Lawrence Blackledge, Lazar Hayward

Kentucky: Ramel Bradley

Stanford: Landry Fields, Taj Finger

Cornell: Jason Battle, Adam Gore, Jon Jaques

For some reason, Landry Fields wins

Miami Fla: Eddie Rios, Lance Hurdle, Fabio Nass, Landon Glover, Julian Gamble

St. Mary’s: Tron Smith, Wayne Hunter

Tron is pretty good, but Miami is a juggernaut.

Texas: Alexis Wangmene, Damion James, D.J. Augustin, Harrison Smith, Dexter Pittman, Clint Chapman

Austin Peay: Drake Reed, Todd Babington, Wes Channels, Fernandez Lockett, Duran Roberson

Another tough one, but “Fernandez Lockett” is pretty damn awesome.

2nd Round:

Memphis: Chance McGrady

Miss: Kodi Augustus

Temple: Dionte Christmas

Pitt: Keith Benjamin

Marquette: Lawrence Blackledge

Stanford: Landry Fields

Sounds like cricket.

Miami: Fabio Nass

Austin: Fernandez Lockett

Sweet 16

Memphis: Chance McGrady

Temple: Dionte Christmas

Stanford: Landry Fields

Austin: Fernandez Lockett

Elite 8

Memphis: Chance McGrady

Austin: Fernandez Lockett

Your Name Is Limitless: Midwest

Our friend Mike doesn't watch any sort of basketball, but he loves to use stupid systems to pick his NCAA bracket every season. This year, he went with a team's best names. This is simply too good not to post. In the first round, a team's entire roster will be considered. Beyond that, only a team's superstar name (not the same as the name of the team's superstar) will be considered. His analysis follows. Enjoy. (Also, apologies on formatting -- I will try to fix it later.)

Midwest

1st Round:

Kansas: Brady Morningstar, Mario Chalmers, Chase Buford

Portland: Deonte Huff

Easy choice.

UNLV: Wink Adams, Troy Cage, Rene Rougeau, Mareceo Rutledge

Kent St.: Haminn Quaintance

Damn Haminn is a sweet name. Troy Cage beats sweet, though.

Clemson: Demontez Stitt, Zavier Anderson, K.C. Rivers

Villanova: Dante Cunningham

Vanderbilt: Keegan Bell, Darshawn McClellan, George Drake, Jermaine Beal

Siena: Darius Haddix, Ryan Rossiter

USC: O.J. Mayo, RouSean Cromwell

Kansas St: Clent Stewart

Ovinton J’Anthony.

Wisconsin: Wquinton Smith, Tanner Bronson, Morris Cain

Cal State Fullerton: Marcio Lassiter

Gonzaga: Austin Daye

Davidson: Stephen Rossiter, Can Civi

Can Civi? I don’t know, but I like it.

Georgetown: DaJuan Summers, Austin Freeman

UMBC: Cavell Johnson

Boring.

2nd Round:

Kansas: Brady Morningstar

UNLV: Troy Cage

Less ostentatious.

Clemson: K.C. Rivers

Siena: Darius Haddix

USC: O.J. Mayo

Wisconsin: Tanner Bronson

Davidson: Can Civi

Georgetown: DaJuan Summers

Sweet 16:

UNLV: Troy Cage

Siena: Darius Haddix

USC: O.J. Mayo

David: Can Civi

Elite 8:

UNLV: Troy Cage

USC: O.J. Mayo

Your Name Is Limitless: East

Our friend Mike doesn't watch any sort of basketball, but he loves to use stupid systems to pick his NCAA bracket every season. This year, he went with a team's best names. This is simply too good not to post. In the first round, a team's entire roster will be considered. Beyond that, only a team's superstar name (not the same as the name of the team's superstar) will be considered. His analysis follows. (Also, apologies on formatting -- I will try to fix it later.)

East

1st Round:

UNC: J.B. Tanner, Wayne Ellington, Surry Wood

MSM: Pierre Brown

Pretty weak showing from Mount Saint Mary’s.

Indiana: Lance Stemler, Jamarcus Ellis

Arkansas: Nate Rakestraw

Lance is kind of a wild card. Stemler pulls it out.

ND: Tyrone Nash, Ty Proffitt, Carleton Scott

GM: Cam Long

Tough decision here. A strong showing from Notre Dame, but I feel that Cam Long has what it takes to go the distance. It’s short, it’s strong, and it rolls off the tongue.

Washington State: Fabian Boeke, Caleb Forrest, Stephen Sauls

Winthrop: Mantoris Robinson, George Valentine

Mantoris.

Oklahoma: Longar Longar, Cade Davis, Beau Gerber

St. Joseph’s: Tasheed Carr, Garrett Williamson, Charoy Bentley, Rockwell Moody

It takes a big man to beat Cade Davis, but Rockwell Moody just might be that man.

Louisville: Derrick Caracter, Preston Knowles

Boise State: Kurt Cunningham

Boise got nothing.

Butler: Avery Jukes

S. Alabama: Domonic Tilford, Chip Ivany, Demetric Bennett

Tennessee: Quinn Cannington, Cameron Tatum, Duke Crews

American: Garrison Carr

2nd Round:

UNC: Wayne Ellington

Indiana: Lance Stemler,

George Mason: Cam Long

Winthrop: Mantoris Robinson

St Joe’s: Charoy Bentley / Rockwell Moody (I can’t decide)

Louisville: Derrick Caracter

S. Alabama: Chip Ivany

American: Garrison Carr

Sweet 16:

Indiana: Lance Stemler,

Winthrop: Mantoris Robinson

St. Jospeph’s: Charoy Bentley / Rockwell Moody (I can’t decide)

American: Garrison Carr

Elite 8:

Winthrop: Mantoris Robinson

American: Garrison Carr

Garrison Carr doesn’t just rely on a strong first name, as Mantoris does. He’s got the whole package.